


Hate to say that I love you (Hate to say that I need you)

by pcctheant



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ? - Freeform, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Cheating, Cuban Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Getting Back Together, Go listen to Ben Platt, Hunk & Lance (Voltron) Friendship, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Jealous Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Kinda, Korean Keith (Voltron), M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Requited Love, Unrequited Love, one of my favorite things tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-26 00:10:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18271883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pcctheant/pseuds/pcctheant
Summary: Lance loved Keith. Almost as much as space. He loved that Keith was with him and made him happy. He loved the small huffs of laughter he could get with his best jokes. He loved almost everything about Keith. It's too bad that he found out Keith didn't feel the same.





	Hate to say that I love you (Hate to say that I need you)

They sat there. Staring at the stars. Lance’s head was filled to the brim with thoughts. His insecurities lurking at every corner of his mind. He was liked by no one, but at least he had Keith. Keith. With his weird hair style and his weird eyes. They weren’t bad. They would’ve been bad on anyone else. They were just Keith. A part of who he was. Keith. His rival turned boyfriend. Or so he thought. Stargazing was supposed to be relaxing for him, but every moment he panicked more and more as he let his thoughts run wild. He knew how it went. It was the same as it had been for the past few years. Dating Keith was supposed to help that. He was supposed to be better. He knew he wasn’t. Keith didn’t even notice when he was sad.  _He wanted to cry._    

Keith was sitting next to him looking up at the stars on the grassy hill they shared. He looked at peace. He was as beautiful as always.  _Nothing like Lance._  It was strange. Usually Lance riled him up and he kept a constant face of annoyance.  _Guess we were never going to work out._  Lance had been the one to confess. He had been the one to initiate the first kiss. He was the one that tried to make the relationship work. He was also the one failing to make the relationship work.  _Just like he failed everything else._   

Lance was sure that he was in love. He was also sure that that love was one-sided even if they were dating. There was no way that smart, funny, and perfect Keith was dating him. He wasn’t good enough for that. He was Lance. The useless, stupid, and messed-up Lance. The one that Keith didn’t like. Lance wanted to change everything about him. He wanted to change everything for Keith. If Keith wouldn’t love him, that was fine. He knew that he wasn’t worthy of love. Keith would never care. He was just a friend of a friend. But Keith was also his boyfriend. That couldn’t be ignored. He would try his hardest.  _Even if he crashed and burned like all his other romances._  He would try to get Keith to  open up .  _Even if Keith hated him._ He would try to change his own attitude.  _Even if Keith would always hate him no matter what._   

“Keith?” Lance asked tentatively. He was nervous. There was a question on his mind he needed an answer for. It was no surprise to him that it had to do with Keith. “Yes?” Keith replied casually. Like always. He had no idea that Lance had saw him. “If Shiro and I were in danger and you had to save one of us, who would you choose?” Lance looked up at the stars when he asked the question. He was desperate for the answer. He wished that the stars were able to tell him.   

There was a pause as Keith decided his answer. “You.” He sounded sure. Lance knew he was lying. He had seen Keith cheating. He had seen him cuddling up with Shiro. That was enough for Lance. He was at his breaking point. He needed to just end it. To let it all go, and never look back. A relationship with Keith was never going to work like he had hoped. He should just end it all right there. Still, he knew that he couldn’t. He loved Keith too much to let him go. The saying “If you love something then you let it go”? It’s wrong. It’s false. It’s something that will never be true. He should know. He’s living proof of it. He could never let Keith go willingly. But at this point he was forced to. Lance was scared of what would happen. Would Keith be angry?  _Probably not_ _,_ _he never cared about us._    

Lance’s blue eyes grew dark and a grimace took over his face as he remembered the feeling in his chest when he saw Keith cheating. Dang.  _He really wanted to cry._ He covered his eyes, so Keith wouldn’t see. He spoke slowly. His tone carried his hurt. _He was about to cry._  “Please. Don’t lie to me.”  _If you really love me, please. I beg you. If you don’t hate me, please, don’t lie._  He looked at Keith through the gaps between his fingers. Keith looked shocked. His eyes were wide. His body which seemed to always be in motion stopped. He was still.  _Why was he shocked?_  Sadness morphed into anger as the silence grew. Lance couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take how much he was suffering. He had to tell him.  

“I’m b-breaking up with you.” He had said the words. With the strongest voice he could muster. There was still a stutter in his words. His tears were slowly leaking out of his eyes. He wanted them to stop. He wanted to go back to the days where he thought that Keith didn’t hate him. “Why?” Keith broke the silence with a pair of worried eyes. Or at least Lance hoped they were worried. About them. To show he actually cared. Even if he was breaking up with him. He had reasons. “Please, Keith. I feel like I’m the only one who wants a relationship with us. I don’t want to weigh you down. I’m trying to make it work, but you’re just drifting away. You’re perfect and I’m not. I’m terrible and I know you don’t want me.” He left out the part about cheating with Shiro. Keith didn’t need that. Even if he was breaking up with Keith it didn’t mean that he wanted Keith to be unhappy. It would pain if every day he looked at Keith he could only see the hurt he left. “You never said anything. I thought you wanted to be left alone. I thought it was just another one of your weird mood swings.” Keith replied with a scratchy voice. Ha. It sounded so fake, almost like he really cared.  _If only._   

“Mood swings, huh? That’s how you explained it to yourself. At least you noticed. That’s better than some of my old friends. It also never bothered you that these so-called ‘mood swings’ lasted from weeks to months. Really?” Lance was definitely crying now. He would probably start sobbing soon. He just wished that by now he had cried enough to not be bothered by crying. He didn’t want to cry. Crying reminded him of the times when he was in his room in the castle sobbing into his pillow sad about anything and everything. He missed so much. His familia. His sobrinos that would call for him and bother him to him no end. He missed how they would call him each time lovingly with “Tío Lance!” Most of all he missed his hermanos and padres. They had supported him with his plans to go to the Garrison. Even if they were a family from Cuba. They were his family. They had supported his wild dream of reaching the stars one day. Now he had reached the stars, but for what? To be thrown into a war he hadn’t been trained for? To meet up with his childhood crush who hated him? To then have his heart broken by said crush? Why? He could never have a true moment of peace. He missed the fun times at Varadero Beach. He missed sneaking out at night with his brothers to see the stars from the ocean. He missed the chaos of his family where everyone would shout in Spanish and laugh with no idea of the threat of the Galra. Goodness. When had he last laughed? Truly? Without a burden? Without it being forced?  

Even as he thought about these things, Keith remained silent. He had no way to talk back. He had been a terrible boyfriend to Lance. He remembers the confession how hard it was for Lance to speak properly once he had confessed. Lance’s breathing hadn’t been normal, and he didn’t seem to register what Keith was saying, but Keith ignored that because Keith didn’t know. Keith didn’t know anything about emotions. About love that burned him up and made him want to look at Lance the way he knew that Lance looked at him. He knew that he could never love Lance as much as Lance loved him. The closest he had felt to how it was described was when he was with Shiro. With Shiro he felt safe. With Shiro he felt taken care of. Nothing like Lance. Who was brash and could be reckless. Who didn’t follow his orders sometimes. Who only seemed to care about his own dark thoughts. Who never took care of others especially when he had his  _mood_ _swing_ _s._   

Lance couldn’t take any more of the silence. His thoughts were crowding his head and he couldn’t escape them. The walls of the room they were in seemed to be closing in. Closer and closer. Choking him. He couldn’t breathe. His vision grew blurry and his head started to ache. He needed to get out of the room fast. He wouldn’t be able to survive another minute in the room. So, he ran.  

_________________ 

“Have you seen Lance?” It was a question that became more and more frequent after they had broken up. Keith would ask it over and over again to assure himself that there was nothing wrong with Lance. He told himself that there was really no reason other than checking in as team leader. He knew he was wrong. He was really worried. Lance seemed to never be in the same room as him or Shiro. It didn’t matter though. Now Keith didn’t have to put up with Lance’s difficult mood swings. He could focus on the relationship between him and Shiro. That was his priority. The team was doing well, and he had his free time to focus on spending with Shiro.  

There was something nagging at his brain though. Memories of Lance crying and running out of the room flashed before his eyes. He couldn’t erase the image of tears dripping from the deep pools of blue that were his eyes. He couldn’t erase the image of trails of water on Lance’s caramel skin. He couldn’t erase the image of Lance curled up on the hill small and vulnerable. He wanted to forget everything. To forget even dating Lance. He had only done it for the team. If Lance was going to break up with him anyways then what was the point. It was Lance’s fault. He had wasted Keith’s time. He had wasted it with stupid sleepovers and cuddles. Kisses and whispered words of affection. They were all a waste. He had hated the relationship, but if Keith stopped then Lance would be sad and he would drag the team down more than usual.   

Then Keith started noticing things. How Lance had seemed to not be affected. How his eyes seemed to dull down. How he had markings under his eyes that told Keith of how little sleep Lance was getting. He was furious. Lance had broken up with him for nothing. Now he was putting a damper on the whole team. It was just an overreaction.  

It all changed when he heard Hunk speaking to Lance.   

“Hey. Buddy, you okay? You’ve been really down lately. How are things with you and Keith?” Hunk asked with the caring tone he always had. Keith hated the last question. There was never anything between him and Lance. Mumbles could be heard, and it was clear that Lance had his head buried in a pillow. Then Lance came up to breath and answer properly. “No. Hunk. Please. Make the pain go away.” Pain? What pain? Was the idiot injured and was too much of a coward to admit that he got hurt? “Where does it hurt?” Hunk asked tentatively. “Everywhere. My head and heart especially.” Lance answered back. “Do you know why? Oh geez. Is it serious? Please, don’t tell me it’s serious. Then who’s going to taste test my new dishes?” Hunk was panicking. Keith understood why. It was his best friend. Hunk could probably take care of Lance’s mood swing. “Heartbreak.” Lance uttered one word and Keith was confused. He didn’t understand why Lance was heartbroken. “Did something happen with you and Keith?” Hunk asked. Lance’s voice became quieter and Keith could barely hear him when he said, “I broke up with Keith because he was cheating on me with Shiro.” So, Lance had an idea of what Keith wanted. Keith didn’t know that he knew. He didn’t care though. He loved Shiro more than he would’ve ever loved Lance. “Really. Well I’ll tell Pidge and we can help you move on and get some good old revenge.” Hunk tone had turned a bit evil at that statement which Keith was unaware that that could happen. “No.” No? “Hunk, I need to just get over him. It doesn’t matter if I’ve had a crush on him since the Garrison. He clearly hates me. He just thinks that I’m a burden and that I have mood swings. I don’t blame him though. Have you seen me? I’m stupid, terrible at fighting, and I’m not even good looking. It’s no wonder he didn’t like me.” Lance said all of those words out loud with his voice gaining volume and dropping at the end. Then he started to cry. “Oh. Lance. You’re none of those things. You’re perfect the way you are. Without you, who would tell Pidge to get enough sleep? Without you, who would help Coran clean the healing pods? Who would help distract Allura from her dead kingdom? Who would help Shiro with his nightmares? Face it, you’re great and you just don’t know it.”   

Silence. There was only the sound of sobs that filled the room as Hunk joined Lance in crying. Keith couldn’t stand listening in any longer. He ran to Shiro. He didn’t know why. It seemed like a bad choice, but it seemed like a great choice at the time. He hadn’t even realized that the number of nightmares that Shiro had had decreased, but now that he thought about it became clear why Shiro was more willing to show affection to him. Did Shiro know about Lance? When they were still dating Keith had insisted on keeping the relationship secret. Then how did Hunk know about it? Well, then again, it was Hunk. As in the purest creature in the world that should be protected at all costs. Of course, Lance would tell him. 

“Shiro?” Keith called out to him. Shiro stood in his room with his back to Keith. “Hey, Keith. Were you ever going to tell me about you and Lance?” Shiro kept his back to Keith. All Keith could do was stay silent. “Heh. I guess not. Lance wouldn’t have told me either. You know who I had to hear it from?” Keith didn’t know. He stayed silent. “Pidge! Lance hadn’t even told Pidge and she knew about your relationship. You could’ve at least told me about your relationship before you started cheating on him. Then we could’ve let you break it up nicely before we started kissing!” Shiro paused in between his words before his tone turned to be more suspicious. “What’s to say that you won’t cheat without telling me? I’ve known you for years. I’ve got about 8 years on you. I can’t honestly say that I like you enough romantically to hurt Lance in the process.” Keith was stunned by this. He had thought that Shiro wouldn’t mind. That Shiro loved him. Guess he was wrong. “Wait. Shiro. Please, Lance is just having one of his mood swings! I love you! Don’t leave me.” He pleaded. He didn’t want to be alone. “Did you beg Lance like that? Did you even beg Lance? Did you even consider his feelings?" A pause as silence filled the room and Keith could feel himself getting hotter. "Also, mood swings? That’s what you’re saying? I know him more than you do based on that. Lance doesn’t have mood swings, but he has breakdowns and panic attacks. He has insecurities that plague him every day! Those ‘mood swings’ are when he can't take them anymore. But do you see him complaining? No. Did you even help him? Did you ever offer comfort?” Shiro was yelling now. Shouting at him. He had turned around only to yell. It hurt Keith’s head. How had he missed so much? “No.” Keith hung his head in shame after admitting it in a low voice. Shiro’s hair was messy and his eyes had red rings around them that showed Keith that Shiro had been crying. “Get out. I can’t keep seeing you. Especially if it’s hurting Lance like this. I can’t say I’m mad, but I can say I’m disappointed,” Shiro stated clearly. Keith left the room confused. He had a lot to think about. 

Keith remembered how their relationship had been before he cheated with Shiro. He wasn’t happier with Lance, but Lance seemed to be much happier. Now the whole team was filled with tension and hate. At the center of it all was Lance. The poor Cuban had been left in a puddle of tears. He had just wanted a relationship. For Keith that was too much. It would’ve been too much. Just as friends Lance was overwhelmingly loud. It gave him headache after headache, and it didn’t stop even after they had started dating. Shiro was quiet. Shiro was steady and could hold his own. Lance was unpredictable and weak. It was clear who was better. Shiro made sure that everyone on the team was appreciated. Lance just wanted attention for himself. The choice was clear. Shiro was better in every way. Keith didn’t regret anything he had done. 

_________________ 

Everything was crashing down. Keith had been his light when they were together. Now he had been left to die alone in the dark. The battle was taking a toll on him and it was obvious that the team was tired and couldn’t fight much longer. He wanted to beg Keith for retreat. But his voice wouldn’t work. He knew that Keith would only shut down his idea and push them harder. That was their wonderful leader. Without knowing, Lance gave up. He collapsed and fell out of his chair unaware of the worried shouts that echoed through the intercom.  

In the end, they were saved by Lotor and his generals. They were so close to embarrassing defeat and the effects showed on their faces. Once they had landed, Pidge and Hunk had immediately dashed to the Red Lion and retrieved Lance with a solemn look on their faces. Their normally joking faces had turned serious and they refused to acknowledge Keith when he had asked about Lance’s condition. Allura had stepped out and sat on the floor. A long sigh escaped her as she tried to hold back tears. It was easy to see that the team was falling apart. If nothing brought them back together then Voltron would be gone. Keith had exited the Black Lion with a scowl. His face portrayed the anger he felt. He wanted to yell. Wanted to say that Lance had messed up again. But he couldn’t. He knew that wasn’t right. Keith wasn’t a leader and he wasn’t a lover. He was a fighter who didn’t seem to be able to do something right.  

Lotor greeted them grimly. He clearly seemed to have a clear understanding that Voltron was not in the best condition. The tension was palpable between the different factions the team had been divided into. On one side, there were the Alteans, Allura and Coran, they were frustrated that the team was out of whack. On another were Hunk and Pidge, they were mad at Keith for hurting Lance. Shiro and Lance stood separately angry and sad about Keith, respectively. Then there was Keith. Stuck in the middle of the mess he had created. Lotor reached out to the Blue Paladin with sympathy and gained the respect of the Yellow and Green Paladin. They warmed up to him as he treated Lance with respect and kept him company. Meanwhile, he remained neutral with Allura, Coran, and Shiro. But Keith couldn’t help the frustration he felt inside him whenever he looked at him. There was something that made him want to push Lotor away from Lance. He would find himself thinking that before he had to remind himself that Lance wasn’t his anymore. The decision had already been made. They were no longer together, so Keith no longer had the right to call Lance his. Now there was nothing between them. Just silence. 

_________________ 

Keith ran away to the Blade of Mamora. He couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to forget that he had broken Lance’s heart. He couldn’t stand even thinking that he was the one who had dimmed his usual brightness. The days were just dark with him. He couldn’t bear to show his face to the team again. He had to hide his face behind his mask constantly. Maybe the team would forgive him one day. 

________________ 

It seemed that Lance got better without him. With each visit he looked happier and the team looked better together. They never knew Keith was watching. His face was hidden behind his mask. He never spoke unless it was in private with Kolivan. He could identify the feeling he felt when saw Lance with Lotor now. Jealousy. It clawed up his guts and made him go wild. He wanted to rip Lotor apart and claim Lance for his own. If only he hadn’t messed up.  

Lance was easy to love. He was bright and sociable. Caring and kind. There were so many parts of him that Keith had been blind to. Why was it that he only noticed them when they had broken up? It was too late for him. There was no way to get back together now. Lance would never trust him again. It pained him deep in his chest to think about what could’ve been. He had been so stupid. So oblivious. He had no idea about his feelings. He couldn’t separate how he felt romantically about Lance with the passion in their arguments. He couldn’t distinguish the familial love he felt towards Shiro with the small romantic moments in their relationship. He had no idea of how to separate them. Now he did.  

Time changed everything. He could only wait now. It seemed ironic that he had chosen to wait. He was the Red Paladin first and foremost. He was hot-headed and impulsive. But being hot-headed and impulsive could cost him Lance. Forever. That was a thought he wouldn’t dare to entertain in fear of how it would come true. The implications that Lance would ignore him forever and the brightness Lance carried would never comfort him again scared him terribly. It left him shivering in his bed as he curled up, not ready and braced for the feeling of abandonment. He had run away in an attempt to not get hurt. He was a coward. It was as simple as that. Perhaps it was for the best. The thought crossed his mind often. 

He kept himself buried in missions. The thought of being able to return a hero to Lance comforted him at night when he thought about how much he was risking. He didn’t want to die before he could fix his relationship with Lance.  

He imagined Lance by his side whenever he needed someone to talk to. He knew it was wrong. That Lance was no longer there for him because of the pain he had caused. He wasn’t supposed to have the right to think about Lance like that. He couldn’t help it though. Caring ocean blue eyes and caramel skin haunted his thoughts, and he found himself wishing for the warmth of the Cuban boy next to him. He wished for the warm hugs and words of reassurance that came with the feeling of home. That was just Lance. He would give up everything for another chance. He trudged through each day of training with the Blade with a heavy burden on his shoulders. His only motivation was Lance. 

_________________ 

It had been forever since they had seen Keith. At first, the team had been awkward. Without Keith, Shiro took back the Black Lion. This had caused a bit of a distance between him and Shiro. It wasn’t easy to confront the person that your ex-boyfriend had been cheating on you with. But it had to be done. They weren’t just random individuals like back on Earth. They were warriors who were tasked with saving the universe. Emotions could get in the way. They had to be solved or hidden quickly. If they weren’t, they were weaknesses. It was a simple rule on the battlefield. Personal had to either be kept entirely separate, or it had to be resolved. 

Shiro had been the one to approach him. Cautiously. The tension between them had decreased ever since Keith left, but Lance could tell there was something between them. A wariness that refused to be ignored. The large man had seemed so small in that moment. He had seemed so ashamed and afraid. The first words out of his mouth were apologies. He kept his head low and bowed to show respect. He hadn’t known that they were dating and that if he had then he would’ve never kissed Keith. He didn’t even know why he kissed Keith. Maybe it was just the feeling of being loved? He didn’t know. He didn’t have any long-lasting feelings for him. At this point he could only love Keith as a brother. Never a lover. They confided in each other about how the war had taken a toll on them. It was hard to get through each day without panicking at small sounds that sounded like gunshots. Lance could feel that their relationship was repairing. He felt that they might even be closer than before. He just wished the circumstances were better.  

He knew it was wrong to wish for Keith. He had been the one to break it up after all. Keith didn’t care for him and made it obvious through the little contact that they had. He was only pushed away more when they were dating, and dates were always short and kept secret. Lance couldn’t help but love Keith. He remembered when he started to fall in love. He had snuck out, one night in the Garrison. He wanted to try again at the simulator. He was determined to get better. Hunk was one of the nicest and most accomplished engineers that he had ever seen. Pidge was a genius and could clearly outmatch anyone else in intelligence. That left Lance as the oddball. The plain pilot who couldn’t do well. He had to get better for them. Then he saw Keith. Practicing in the middle of the night. Alone and at ease. Lance wanted nothing more than to join him at that moment. His hands were reaching out before he knew it. Immediately, he stopped himself from interrupting. It would be rude to intrude on such a peaceful moment. He pulled back with a look of longing on his face. He felt his heart beat fast and his face turn red. That was the start of his decent. 

It only continued when he had gotten into space with Keith. The amount of work and care he put into helping others made his heart soar. He wished that Keith would treat him like that. Like something precious he could hold dear. He wanted that so badly. 

The confession had been one of the most nerve-wracking experiences of his life. He couldn’t believe that Keith had said yes. His pulse had skyrocketed, and his breathing had gotten out of hand. Negative thoughts had filled his head and drowned him in a cacophony of nonexistent noise. He could see the floor starting to get closer even though his vision was blurry and instinctively put his hands over his head. Suddenly, he was caught and held in strong reassuring arms. Keith had caught him and was holding him close. That was the moment he had truly fell. From then on it went deeper and deeper running through his veins like a drug. Now he was in rehab. He had to stop loving Keith. Or else he would never be able to get back up. 

_________________ 

The first time he saw Keith again was almost a month after the war. It had been surprising to see him in the bar. Tall and fit. Hot. It didn’t feel right, but Lance couldn’t help how he gravitated towards him. He was too late though. Keith went home with another man, and Lance stood there watching. In the middle of the dancefloor, with bright multicolored light beating down from above and the constant motion of people around him, he was forced to confront the feelings he had long buried and tried to keep hidden. He still loved Keith. And it  _hurt._ It was a knife to his chest. His shoulders felt heavy and he could feel his thoughts start to turn on him. He had to get out of there. 

For the second time in his life, Lance ran from Keith. He ran from everything related to the Korean and tried not to look back. Tears streamed down his face as he crouched in an alleyway. He heard the steps of people passing by. One person approached him. 

“Are you okay?” 

Kind brown eyes hidden behind square frames. What looked to be soft light brown hair that rested flat on their head. A well-built body that still held a certain air of kindness in them. The man before him was a total stranger, but Lance could feel that he was trustworthy. Or maybe he was just stupid.

“I’m Adam.” 

________________ 

Shiro seemed to have reunited with his old fiancé and Lance couldn’t help but feel happy for him. The happiness the two excluded made him beam. He cooed at their domestic life and wondered if he could ever be that happy. It seemed that Shiro could finally forgive himself of Keith and that Adam knew about his affair in space. When it was brought up, no tension was between the two only what seemed to be an air of understanding. It was so different. So,  _new_. Lance could never see that between him and Keith he could only imagine arguments. But he pushed the thought of that out of his head. He wouldn’t even be with Keith in the first place. Keith had made it crystal clear that Lance was not desirable. He wasn’t patient, smart, or strong like Shiro. He wasn’t even good-looking. He was plain in so many ways. 

Lance stayed the night. Adam had insisted he stay and sleep on the couch. All he was told was to not go upstairs. He was thankful for the help but couldn’t sleep. Instead, he tossed and turned. He didn’t want to sleep. Nightmares weren’t uncommon after the war. The horrors of battle had taken quite the psychological toll. He had gotten better, but he still doubted whether or not he would be able to fully recover. He got up to get a glass of water. He was surprised to find the kitchen light on. Peeking inside, he found Shiro on the phone with his face pulled into a sour look of distaste. 

“Keith, how could you? You left Lance all alone and you never called or said sorry. You left without telling us.” 

Keith? 

“I know you didn’t want to tear the team apart, but you didn’t apologize to Lance. I kno-” 

Shiro was cut off by Keith on the other side. 

“What do you mean, ‘He didn’t really love me.' Keith. He looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered to him. He clearly loved you! Do you know how Adam found him?! He was in an alleyway crying because he saw you in the club with another guy! Is this another one your one night stands you keep telling me about? You can’t keep poisoning your life!” 

After that, Shiro quieted. 

“I think Lance deserved better. Did you know he really cared for everyone on the team? More than I ever could. He could’ve done better than you. You cheated and tore out his heart. I know you would’ve been great to date for him, but not with the mindset you had. Now you’ve lost him and regret it. That’s your cue to get back in touch and make him fall for you again.” 

Another pause as Keith answered. 

“Why? Really? It’s obvious. You love him.” 

_________________ 

He couldn’t stand the sight of Keith. It burned him how he had the nerve to compliment him. Keith had taken one glance at him and gaped. Apparently, he was beautiful now. Even though he hadn’t changed much physically from the war. It pained him to see Keith’s look of relief when Lance announced that he was giving him a second chance. He hoped that Shiro was right. Because if he wasn’t, Lance would never be able to recover. 

_________________ 

Lance saw his story as one of romance. He thought that love had always been a central part of his life. A humongous, messy part of his life. Jenny from middle school had been his first love. She had been kind and patient with him. A pure and innocent relationship from childhood. They never got far though and had broken up on equal terms. It had led Lance to think that love could be easy, no matter who it was. But, Keith was his strongest and messiest love. There was no way that he could ever abandon that. Perhaps there was no way that love could happen like in the fairy tales he had held close as a child. So, when he woke up for the second week in a row next to Keith, he felt unsure. He didn’t know what they were. Keith was adamant about freedom. Never one for labels that would trap him down. The first time they had dated he had only agreed to that title because of Lance. Now Lance didn’t know. Keith still felt far away.  

Lance left the bed and got dressed. He took one final glance back and walked out of the apartment. 

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write a chapter for a different fic. Then I remembered that I had started this and never finished. I couldn't let that happen, so I finished it and it will never have more than this one chapter. If you want a continuation and write one, it would be awesome if you could share the link with me. I wanted to leave the ending open ended. The title is from Ben Platt's Bad Habit in honor of his album coming out tomorrow. I'm very excited. Sorry that this is a bit of a mess. I started writing this a while ago and then I had to do stuff. It's most likely a bit inconsistent. I tried to edit it, but I'm not sure if I caught everything.
> 
> Edit: I know I said I wouldn't touch this again, but I just had to go back and fix stuff.
> 
> Twitter:@pcctheant
> 
> Please leave comments and criticism.  
> Thank you.


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